Today, I woke up with the acute awareness that I am pure space; that nothing in physical form exists.
“I am not a body, I am free.”
I’m space, I’m light, I’m extension, I’m expansion. And of course, these are all just words.. ideas.. they’re all definitions, but I don’t mean them like that. If you can hear those words on an experiential plane, if you can receive them energetically; soak them up on a cellular level, then you can hear what I’m saying… you can allow in what I’m attempting to communicate.
The wonderful thing about space is that it’s always moving. There’s a gentle pulsing from my core. At the very centre of my being there’s a gentle pulsing outwards. And it occurs to me that if I’m space, if my body is really a quantum experience rather than a physical one (as is clearly true at this frequency of awareness, at this frequency of mind), what that means is that A Course in Miracles is completely true.
It’s true (in my present personal experience) that there is no world: that there’s only peace, and infinite peace, because space goes on forever, and that’s what my mind is. And the desire to fit myself into an identity in space and time begins to leave me, as I give myself this true experience more and more. And as I give it to myself more and more, I become less attached to everything in the world, because I recognise that this place – this state of mind, is my true happiness, my true purpose: “the state of mind in which the only purpose of the world is seen to be forgiveness.” (ACIM T:C30:S5)
So we can touch on the idea of ‘forgiveness’ for a moment, from this purely expansive experiential state: “Forgiveness recognises what you thought your brother did to you has not occurred.” (ACIM pre-L221) Forgiveness also recognises that your brother does not exist as separate from you. We can even go a few steps further than that: forgiveness is the recognition that there is only mind, and mind cannot attack, and therefore does not need to be pardoned: mind can only extend itself to itself. And from this frequency of thought, from this place in mind in which I find myself, this is an experiential and completely present occurrence.
I have to pause every moment; I have to just pause and let the light offer me the words! The words that I’m using are not coming from conceptual mind, they’re not tight. They’re not part of a contraction of mind. I’m not looking for them and trying to grasp them; instead they are given; they are received. They are a part of this experience of expansion; of pure release. They are feeding it, they are nourishing it, they are creating it. This is my time with God. This is what God is. In whatever form it may manifest, and it is not necessary for it to manifest in any form at all, the practice of extension of mind; of true ideas; of this eternally expansive light; of this quantum experience of existence… this is what links me with Creation, with all of Heaven, and thus with the memory of my Father’s Love.
“God is the light in which I see.” (ACIM L44) God is the light in which I see that this world does not exist. God is the light in which I see that I don’t exist. God is the light in which I see the benefits of releasing my entire separate self-identity: the benefits to me, personally, individually. You won’t do this without that. It feels nice! In the end, it gets to be that simple. Why do you give up everything and go home to your Father? Because it feels nice! And because it’s simple. It’s the most simple thing there is. Because it’s the only thing there is.
The intense contraction and complexity (which are the same thing) of conceptual thought (which is the same thing as the world); the intense pain of that contraction; the intense pain of trying to fit yourself into a fractured distortion of yourself; your misguided attempt to be just one character on the stage, when actually you’re the universe in which the stage is set; this, this is the insanity of separate human mind.
What the light is doing on a cellular level, as you receive its ‘enlightenment’, as you relax and feel its joyful expansion; its gentle rippling grace: is undoing you. It’s undoing your self-concept. But really, from where I’m standing in my mind, what I’m experiencing right now is the recognition that there is no undoing. There is no undoing, because what you think was done, was never done. It was a story you were playing to yourself in your own mind, like a tape recorder. The story of Holly Thomas! ‘I wonder how this is going to work out; what’s going to happen with that person; do I have a grievance; is there some conversion I need to do; I wonder when this will happen, am I blocking it’, all the doubts, and uncertainty about myself that are the thoughts of my conceptual mind that I use to stay in time; that I use to stay in an experience of self-identity, which is what time is. All that needs to be undone is my thoughts, my perception of myself, my perception of my identity. All that needs to shift is my awareness, from what is false, to what is true. From the falsity of form to the light and truth of whole consciousness fully present NOW. That is all!
I am so grateful. I am so grateful that my former decision to be in time is being undone. Through this receiving of its opposite. It’s a state of mind. Hell is a state of mind, same as heaven is. There is nothing but state of mind: there is no world outside of you. My current experience of this truth is a fizzing, or a buzzing sensation; it’s like a sparkler sometimes, igniting. Like sparks. Sparks of light. And it’s subtle. It’s gentle. It’s approaching and availing itself to you all the time. It’s offering itself to you! It’s available.. right now. Only, right now.
This ‘spiritual awakening’ (to use a term that’s bandied around so much) is coming to the realisation and recognition in your own mind through your own personal, individual experience, that your mind is all that there is; that the only experience you want is the one of this present moment, this core of light that is your very being, and the glorious and infinite extension of that throughout all universes. That is your purpose, that is your dedication, and that is your teaching, that is what you teach.
And it doesn’t matter what it looks like here. I cannot stress that enough. It just does not matter. If you’re rich, or if you’re poor; if you’re fat or if you’re thin; if you’re intelligent or if you’re stupid; if you do yoga or you don’t do yoga… it makes absolutely NO difference. These concepts about yourself, these ideas that you hold about a physical identity in space and time, ARE your denial of this experience of pure light. And you do become less attached to them. And your roles, your roles as a mother, or a daughter or an employee or an employer, the roles that you hold.. everything just gets LOOSER. It doesn’t mean you leave your children to go and do this somewhere else. It doesn’t mean that you quit your job or that you close down your business. All it means is that you become determined to remember that you’re free! You become absolutely determined to remember that you’re free. That you are not contained in a dense layer of conceptual thought that you call ‘your body’. You are not contained in a fabric, in a network, in an atomic structure of hydrogen, carbon, oxygen and nitrogen. You are not that thing. You are not that concept. You are this light. You are this core of being-ness! We could just say you are! Fullstop. No explanation or description required or possible.
So this is where we come to in our minds. We come to a place, in time, where we stop, and we begin to think on an atomic level. And these are not really thoughts, they’re not thoughts like you’re used to having, because they’re not conceptual, they’re not about things. That’s what a conceptual thought is, that’s what a concept is. It has to be about something; it has to be objective. And what I am experiencing, and therefore what I’m teaching (because that’s the same thing) is singular subjective reality. What I am teaching, is that self is whole. It encompasses the entire universe. It is not separate and alone. It is not isolated from anything.
This occurrence that is happening within me is alive, vibrant and pure. And it’s got nothing to do with you, and everything to do with you, because I meet you here, I see you in my mind. I have one precious brother in my mind at this moment, she’s right here with me. The love of your brother, the love of your fellow, is actually all that you are. From this space of perfection and beauty, from this state of mind, you will understand at last that all he could really ever be, is love, along with you.
So to re-cap and to offer you the full and glorious extension of my whole and perfect mind that I share with you, here and now, out of time…!:
I am aware that I am space. I am aware of myself on an atomic level. I am aware of the vibrations of my atomic structure. I can HEAR them. I can feel them. It is delicious. 🙂
This moment I wake up and I know that I am space.
Each time I stop and stand still for a moment and let my mind sink down to a bodily awareness, my consciousness expands outward from however far down I’ve let it go. And at its core is light; the centre of a galaxy. Energy pulses outwards gently from this core.
Now all that is necessary is to let my mind – my tiny, thinking, conceptual self – go:
“Pause and be still a little while, and see how far you rise above the world when you release your mind from chains, and let it seek the level where it finds itself at home. It will be grateful to be free a while. It knows where it belongs. But free its wings, and it will fly in sureness and in joy to join its holy purpose. Let it rest in its Creator, there to be restored to sanity, to freedom and to love.”
And I am home.
The thing that’s so beautiful is that having this experiences is how you give; this is how you extend truth into the dream of your association and how you actually transform the images that seem so real into pure light. This is how you heal.
“His lilies do not leave their home when they are carried back into the world. Their roots remain. They do not leave their source, but carry its beneficence with them, and turn the world into a garden like the one they came from, and to which they go again with added fragrance. Now are they twice blessed. The messages they brought from Christ have been delivered, and returned to them. And they return them gladly unto Him.”
Thank you for reading… I love you… and WELCOME HOME!!! 🙂