I found a story in my heart, a story about wanting you;
Bubbling up within and beyond suffering
Circumscribing, beginning to envelop all other stories.
I found it within them, at their deepest core.
I found it in unexpected places – longings, wavering certainties and incoherent tinctures of experience
From whom no clarity had previously been asked or achieved.
I found it there, a deep, desperate heartfelt call
Powerfully giving voice, in no surprise at all at being finally recognised.
And I could tell, despite MY feeling of surprise
That this voice has ALWAYS been calling from deep within all stories
That this story always was being told,
At a softer volume, at a greater depth, but with a stronger force than all the others
And most of all, with a powerful constancy of which I have never believed myself capable.
I am not capable of this:
Of the constancy required to reach Your blessed Mind.
But within me is That Which is, and That Which has never wavered, not for a single instant of time.
Your Son in me my Father, God,
He shouts with perfect constancy from the very centre of my being.
He shouts continually and continuously for his return to You.
His cry is absolute and his faith unwavering,
Unhinging my previous uncertain sense of identity.
Father, your Son in me is certain.
He is persistence, resilience, abiding pure in clarity, He is beyond active determination, He is determined already by Your Thought, before any need for determination arose.
I am capitulation, surrendering to His perfect surety, sincerity and infinite endurance, which silences at once every single doubtful thread of thought which tries in vain to rise.
And He is justice, surging with powerful swell to swallow my pitiful reasoning. And it is incongruous, dismissed, blanched and boned, rendered incapable, blatantly inept, powerless, redundant;
It completely disappears.
And His Truth, the Truth that You have given, to Him, to me, is forcibly presented, undeniable, indubitable, hopelessly, incontestably, happily, blissfully True.
So here is my one, last Story:
I have found within myself the Story within all stories, the Story that leads away from stories forever:
And it is this, only this:
That I want You.
